The Creators | Anushka Kelkar

Gauri Saxena, ASP 2018

The Creators is a fortnightly series of artist profiles of Ashokans who are actively involved in different creative fields including music, photography, creative writing, and visual or performing arts.

Anushka is an ASP student and the avid photographer behind @browngirlgazin. This Instagram photography project is dedicated to, as Anushka describes it, creating a space where she can “make more honest portraits of women, their relationships with their bodies, and redefine beauty” as portrayed on social media. Recently, many women at Ashoka have volunteered to be the subjects of Anushka’s portraits — a process that has resulted in heart-warming and eye-opening explorations of femininity. I, too, have been a part of this project and feel privileged that it could be so. Last week, I sat down with Anushka to understand the finer details of the project, the inspiration for it, and her own experience with browngirlgazin.

What inspired you to start the browngirlgazin project?

Growing up in an Indian city as a woman meant constantly fearing my body — never showing too much of it, always policing it, and even feeling ashamed of it. When I was younger, I often felt that my body was different from all the ‘beautiful’ women I saw on TV or the other media I consumed. They all looked flawless in a way I found impossible to replicate: skinny but with curves in all the right places; glowing, fair skin with no blemishes; long hair that never had split ends like mine. My Instagram feed was filled with images of women who seemed to be achieving these beauty standards without even trying.

I have been taking photos since my first year, and I did a couple of fashion shoots last year. What really struck me while doing those was how much work went into creating that ideal of perfection. When we see images on our feed, we can’t help but compare ourselves to those people. I often felt a deep disconnect between the way I saw the women around me, and the way they were portrayed on social media. To seem like we are living the best lives, we curate our personalities, thoughts, and insecurities to appear a certain way online. When I started this project, I wasn’t really sure about what the format would be, but I knew I wanted to create a space where I would make honest portraits of the women around me being vulnerable about their bodies.

In college, I found a group of really supportive and incredible girlfriends who created a space where we could openly talk about our relationships with our bodies — once we started, we realised that these insecurities were not as shameful or personal as we thought they were. I wanted to create a similar space online, where I could change my own gaze as the photographer to make more representative portraits and discuss the kind of pressure that women routinely experience to fit a certain beauty standard.

Who inspires you in terms of technique?

For me, technique and theoretical ideas about the gaze are intrinsically linked. Some of my favourite photographers are making interesting portraits, and changing the way I see composition; they are the ones who really playing with the traditional aesthetics of photography such as Lalla Esayadi, Izumi Mizayaki, Nayeka Brown, Simrah Farrukh, and Liz Fang.

How does your process change with different subjects?

Every subject has a completely different relationship with their body, so there are a variety of reasons that people have for choosing to be a part of this project. For some people, it is a way to finally address insecurities or body image issues that they have had for a long time but haven’t confronted. These shoots are usually intense, and the subjects’ response to my photographing them is always different from what I anticipate. Some subjects cry during the shoots because it is a really difficult thing to put yourself out there, showcasing parts of you that you don’t feel fully secure about. Other subjects keep laughing because they can’t believe that they are actually doing this, and it feels unreal.

Honestly, the process is pretty fluid and I don’t go into photoshoots with a very clearly defined idea of how I want the portraits to turn out. I prefer working with the subject. To me, ensuring that the photoshoot is a good experience for them is far more important than the actual photographs. I also like keeping the shoots pretty casual; the process usually involves lots of conversation about random things so I can get to know the subject more.

How would the process change if you were shooting yourself?

When I shoot other women, there is always this moment when the subject has finally relaxed and allows me and my camera to document their vulnerabilities. Every time this happens, I have to stop myself from jumping up and down, and being like: “You are so beautiful and lovely, I wish you could see yourself how I see you in this moment, in this frame.” I don’t know if I would have that moment with myself, but at some point in the future, I definitely want to shoot myself more.

How have people responded to the project? How have people involved in the project taken it?

The response to this project has been absolutely phenomenal. More than forty women from Ashoka itself have signed up for it, and I don’t think I could possibly shoot all of them. But just the kind of support and love people have shown me and all the subjects of this project has been heart-warming. From writing papers about the project, to sending me the kindest messages — it has honestly been so great. It’s almost as though women were waiting for a space where they could just be, and share the anxieties that are usually never displayed on social media.

How do you see this project going forward and evolving?

This project started with a vague idea, but in the last month it has become the center of my life. I am really inspired by all the women who are coming forward and letting me document some of their most crippling fears. I think this discourse is very important to help us all have healthier relationships with our bodies. I’m definitely going to continue this post-Ashoka, and I want to make at least fifty portraits. At some point, I am interested in capturing subjects with different gender identities, document their relationships with their bodies, and the kind of pressure they face.

Follow Anushka’s work on Instagram, @browngirlgazin.